it's over. move to somnia.

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Why, God, Why?

What have we done as a society to merit this frightening expansion in cola flavors?

For a while, there was regular and cherry, and it was fine and good.* Cherry cola was a benign aberration.

Then along came lemon, and it was everywhere, and its horror was somewhat hidden by precocious-child-actress-turns-into-Academy-Award®-winning-model-turns-into-non-star-of-mercifully-euthanized-sitcom commercials. I recoiled in horror. Especially at the "diet" lemon colas. Citrus + aspartame = hork. Hork is not good.

Now, based on the phenomal success (?) of this bold new entry, we get Vanilla Coke**+! And, coming soon, Pepsi Blue++!

The madness must end! Do your part! Avoid these mutations! Have some water! Juice! Milk! Tea! Wine! We are not part of their CarboNation!


*As a rule, I avoid cherry-flavored anything, since it invariably tastes more like a chemical miscalculation that real cherries, and of that I am not so fond.

**Courtesy of the Vanilla Coke website, I now know that the flowing, Swoosh-y line that underscores Coca-Cola product names is called The Dynamic Ribbon Device. Ha ha ha ha ha. Also, Vanilla Coke is on the road, but sadly it chose to stop by San Francisco on the day of the LGBT Pride Parade. Sorry! Better scheduling next time!

+Let me say for the record, however, that I have nothing against vanilla. It's a much-maligned and underappreciated flavor that should not be confused with "neutral." I was going to write an essay on this topic a while back, but...haven't...yet.

++Oh, come on! Berry?! Did we learn nothing from Crystal Pepsi? Freaky colors frighten the cola-loving public. And if it's such a big new development, why isn't it actually on the Pepsiworld website? This "we're promoting it, but not really promoting it" routine is rideeculous.
peachy as always, Mike at 5:58 PM