it's over. move to somnia.

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Non-Heroics

Suppose you weren't feeling well and decided to stay home from work, but as the day progressed you found yourself feeling somewhat better, and decided to arrange to have dinner with a friend (let's call him MC) briefly in town... Suppose that friend suggests contacting another mutual friend (let's call her CM) to make it a sort of group dinner, with some logistical quirks: you live in the East Bay (and work in the West Bay, but you aren't at work today!), MC lives in the South Bay but works (temporarily) in the East Bay, and CM lives and works in the West Bay... Suppose there's a moderate likelihood CM couldn't make it, you determine meet in the East Bay, say, Berkeley, since it's convenient for the two of you...

Now, suppose you meet MC at the appointed time (say, 5:30) to find him on the phone with CM, who has decided to meet you two after all and is just leaving home... Suppose CM eschews public transit in favor of her car (during rush hour) because she "prefers to drive"... Suppose CM arrives 45 minutes later and in the intervening time, while you two haven't gotten horribly hungry, you've elected to eat somewhere more than a leisurely walk away for your meeting place... Suppose CM has a lot of shit in her car (a rather long-lived Saab having required much maintenance as of late--and neither you nor MC has a car available, having both taken public transit to the meeting-place), it's a bit of a squeeze to get two people in...

Suppose you were to take a detour across the Berkeley campus (after the guard at the gatehouse confirms it is indeed possible) and you find the gate in the middle of campus is down and will not open... Suppose CM puts the car in reverse and hears an odd grinding sound... Suppose she takes a look under the car and discovers that the front axle has completely rusted through and irreparably snapped in half...

Suppose CM can appreciate the good fortune to have this inevitable event occur with two friends present, in an open but nearly traffic-free road, on flat land (instead of on the way down one of San Francisco'a notoriously steep hills upon which she'd been driving earlier, through heavy traffic, alone)... Suppose CM calls her parents (one of whom still has the vehicle registered under his name) and discovers that in their frugality, they had just the previous month elected to reduce her insurance to basic liability (i.e. no towing coverage)...

Then suppose the three of you split up (montage-style) to watch over the car (while shuttle-bus drivers shoot dirty looks at you for blocking them), check to see if the nearby car-rental places are open (they aren't), and ask the university's parking and transportation staff for help (which they can't really provide, beyond the number of a local towing company... Suppose CM doesn't know whether to have the car junked out-of-hand or see about the possibility of repair, and none of you can think of a place to leave the car that doesn't require a local parking permit (without which the tickets will pile up heinously), not to mention what to do with all the tons of personal effects that have accumulated in the Saab...

Suppose the tow truck arrives, you manage to get everything valuable stored in bags in the car's trunk, and the driver knows a neighborhood in West Berkeley that doesn't require perking permits... Suppose also that all three of you can't ride in the cab of the tow truck... Suppose as well that it is now around 8:00 and you're hungry and starting to feel sick again...

Suppose you plan to leave everything in the car for the time being, meet up at the local interurban rail station after the car is dropped off, eat quickly (ah yes, dinner), and head for the airport in order to find a rental car company that's actually open, rent a car, drive up to where the old car is sitting, help CM transfer her belongings from the old car to the rental, and get dropped off at home afterward...

Suppose that all that goes off without a hitch, except... Suppose also that MC's cell phone is almost dead and he is going to be separated from you and CM and this will definitely complicate matters if you don't get in touch after the car is dropped off... Suppose that at 9:00 in downtown Berkeley the only options for quick eats are greasy Chinese food and a spicy burrito shop (you choose the latter) and your stomach is crying out for antacids...

Suppose finally that when you arrive at the airport, you discover that CM does not have a credit card with her and (while MC can have his credit card authorized for the rental) it's still illegal for CM to be added as a secondary driver if she cannot produce a credit card of her own, even though they're all the way over in the west end of the West Bay...

(Time check: 11:00. Your planned bedtime: 9:30.) Suppose that after fifteen or so minutes of negotiations, it turns out that a VISA-linked ATM card can be accepted for imprinting... Suppose also that though she is less than a month shy of her 25th birthday, they will not waive the $20/day "underage" rental fee, which for financial reasons instantly makes it more appealing to rent for one night instead of a week... Suppose that the rental staff also manage to misprint the contract three times, requiring both MC and CM to drag out their credit cards for a re-imprinting each time...

Suppose that leaving the airport at night is fairly difficult, given that there is no direct, marked route to the transit stop at which MC will be dropped off and what appears to be the right road turns out to be a choice between a freeway onramp (no!) or entering a one-way the wrong way (NO!), and freaks out CM beyond all necessity... Suppose "burbling" is a good description of your stomach's current state...

Suppose that after recovering all valuables from the miserable old car, you zip over to a local 24-hr grocery store, stock up on generic (grocer-brand) antacids, and find yourself at home at midnight, with CM's eternal gratitude...

Supposing all that happened yesterday...why does it feel like so long ago today?
peachy as always, Mike at 4:15 PM