it's over. move to somnia.

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Lately I've been feeling the consumerism bug climbing up and around me, sticking its claws in my nostrils and mussing up my hair, trying to reach over and whisper in my ear (kind of hard, as it doesn't really have a neck). It's got a very seductive voice.

"You want an iMac. You love Macs. You're sick of Microsoft's domination of the market. You need expanded graphics capabilities. You want to work that Web thing. That thing you have sitting in your bedroom sounds like a pneumonic moose when you turn it on. Do you want to prolong its suffering like that?

"You want a keyboard. You used to study piano. What happened to that? You have no musical outlet. Your only creative outlet is that ridiculous improv class--and that cute guy who keeps pushing you up onstage is a conversational deadweight, so don't even think about trying to scam a date off him, you eager-beaver little heartbreaker. But good job, though, on dropping $125 on six paltry nights of instruction.

[The bug is a practiced flatterer, no?]

"You want a couch in your room. That German roommate of yours has a couch in his bedroom, and it's only half the size of yours. You want a full-size bed. Or a queen. (snicker) And you need to replace that hideous comforter. For the sake of snipe!"

[The bug is, unsurprisingly, good friends with the mythic snipe, that creature we all ditched our more gullible friends in pursuit of back in fifth grade.]

It's my fault. I fed the bug recently by re-reading "How the Yinch Stole Christmas," over on the Suck.com archives. Shopping is good for the soul! Yes!

A moment of silence for Suck, please. And for Filler.

At least the Filler torch is being carried on, in however verminous a way...Polly Esther (now the Rabbit) is blogging away at tinylittlepenis.com, pausing only on occasion to transform into Heather Havrilesky the Syndicated-ish NPR Fixture, an inspiring super-heroic alter ego.

Greed. Suck. Rodents. Sounds great together, doesn't it?
peachy as always, Mike at 11:07 PM